Shifting out of Blame and Expectations

As a woman, as a woman of colour, I have realised lately that I blame myself for a lot of things that are not happening “right”. Blame myself for not trying hard enough, blame myself for not being professional enough in a heated moment, blame myself for having emotions and blame myself for not being good enough.

Society has conditioned women to believe that they need to be a certain way to be loved and respected. A perfect woman would be polite and kind, does the chores and does them without being asked. Never should this perfect woman let out any of her emotions in an uncontrolled way although she might be quietly weeping in her lonely corner. The perfect woman should also be smart, have a good education as well as being a good housewife with childbearing desires and capabilities. Never should she complain or be ungrateful of what she gets from others and society. The perfect woman is just there but not seen or heard nor should she have needs.

As a woman of colour, there are even more expectations of who we should be. Someone who is submissive, a great task master, takes care of the family and the wider community. Someone who puts herself last. We should not ask for anything and again we should be grateful of the opportunities. Should we step outside of these bounds, we would be shunned upon and ostracised by the community.

This really leaves me wondering how we can be a woman, a woman of colour in the 21st century who is truly aligned to our values and purpose, who does not give a f* about what society expect of us, who chooses time and time again to honour herself and her mission.

May all of us women have the strength to choose and be ourselves.