Befriend Self-doubt
Self-doubt we all have them
I was snowboarding this week and at the top of the slopes I came across self-doubt. I was coaching a client a few days ago and afterwards I murmured “Welcome back self-doubt”. I am starting my own business and there has yet been a day that I haven’t questioned myself.
Recently, I realised self-doubt exists amongst many of us, my coachees, friends and myself included. We self-doubt before fronting up to a big event. We self-doubt before and after a job interview. We self-doubt before, during and after making a major life change. We spend a lot of time questioning our abilities and our desires to move forward from the status quo. We even self-doubt to the point that we sabotage our success or we give up trying.
We scream “Let’s be rid of self-doubt as none of this is productive”, but to little or no avail. We lock self-doubt, but only to find it escaped and now occupies our consciousness. We find ourselves caught in a peril of the more we resist, the more self-doubt persists. Maybe it is not about getting a hold of this thing called “self-doubt”? Maybe it is about accepting and allowing self-doubt?
I certainly have not questioned this before nor have I asked why do I self-doubt. To my surprise, the answer is simple - this uncomfortable anxious feeling exists because it serves a purpose, which I was ignorant of or not ready to acknowledge until now.
Self-doubt serves as an overall protection mechanism to our survival threats. It has been built into our mammal brain. It appears when it wants to tell us there could be danger ahead. It cautions our moves and alerts us that we might have a skill or knowledge gap. It reveals our worst case scenario and tests our commitment. Most of all, it tries to save us from failure.
Looking at self-doubt objectively, all of a sudden I have come to appreciate its presence. It is no longer that devil I want to push away. Gone was the pesky voice ringing in my ears. Instead, self-doubt has become a friend who is trying to help me see and deal with the situation at hand. Yes, it is true that snowboarding on steep icy slopes was dangerous and my skill level was being tested. Yes, it is true that I can and should always improve at coaching so I can better serve my clients. And yes, my commitment to getting my business up and running is firm and I will remember when I fail, I will need to dress my ego’s wounds.
What I realised is that self-doubt comes with being human. However, from now on I choose to befriend it/her/him. I welcome its presence when it knocks on my door. I listen and ask for its concern. I tweak my actions if needed. I cradle its fears. I am confident that with time, self-doubt and I will learn to appreciate each other’s existence.
What has been your relationship with self-doubt and how would you like it to be?