Looking for Approvals and Recognition
Have you found yourself worrying about what another person thinks of you?
Have you found yourself wanting someone’s approvals? Frustrated that you are not getting their approvals?
Have you found yourself doing things you don’t want to do but you do it because you want the other person to like you?
Looking for approvals and recognition is something that a lot of us do whether we admit it or not. I certainly find myself in this situation at times and as a coach, I try hard not to enable approval/recognition seeking from my coachees.
Most of us would say that looking for approvals and recognition is a universal desire. We all want it because we want to be accepted and loved by those around us. And in ancient times, it is true that we needed this for survival. Our brain goes if I meet this person’s expectations, if I please this person, then they would have no reasons but to like and befriend me and therefore I am “safe”.
However, in modern times, this is exactly where the trap is. We are constantly checking whether we have performed up to someone’s expectations. We are alert to see if we have upset another person. We are delighted when we get a praise and are ashamed when we get criticised. Our brain is filled with what others want and expect from us. Our antenna is up so high receiving signals for our unwalled city that is called self/ego. No longer are we tuned into our own frequency of what we must do for our lives. No longer are we free to behave in a way that is aligned to who we want to be. Our sense of self becomes ever so fragile with every praise, criticism and judgment. We are anxious to please and this is misery.
When you become aware of this behaviour of yours, the first step is to acknowledge its existence instead of pushing it away as a null issue. Then your conscious effort is required to break out of this habit pattern. I have found the following helpful on my journey of #selflove and living more fully:
Loving yourself for who you are
Practising caring less about what others think of you.
Accepting the fact that not everyone is going to like you.
Asking yourself what kind of life do you want to live, is this it?
Giving yourself the permission to live a life that is truly meaningful, not for anybody else, but for you.
Inspirations from Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday and the Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga.